A Bird in the Hoof/Transcript
Fluttershy: There you go, Mr. Mousey. Now you stay off that leg and do everything I told you. And it will be just like new in no time at all.
Mouse family: (squeaks)
Fluttershy: Aw, you're welcome. Happy to be able to help.
Fluttershy: You... found a watch? [Angel disagrees] You... wanna be a watch? [Angel disagrees] You're running! Running out of time? No. You're... late? [Angel nods in agreement]
(a clock strikes 4)
Fluttershy: *Gasp* I'm late for a very important date! The big brunch for Princess Celestia at Sugarcube Corner. Oh, the Princess is here in Ponyville for a party and we all promised we'd be there. But I'm not there! Oh, do I look all right? Do I need to bring anything? Maybe I shouldn't go?
Fluttershy: Aah! It's starting! I'm missing it! [Angel sighs in relief] (departs, then returns) Oh, thanks, Angel. (and again) I mean, if if you hadn't reminded me, I might have not remembered and then... then I wouldn't be there and everypony would be wondering where I was and... Oh, right. I'm late.
Fluttershy: Oh, okay then. See you later. [Angel sighs]
Rainbow Dash: So... what do I have to do to get to be one of the Princess's royal Royal Guards, anyway? (silence) Is the pay good? (silence) Hellooo! Anybody home? [Making noises and faces at them]
Rainbow Dash: Ooh, you're good. (silence) Too good. I'm bored.
Fluttershy: Phew. Made it.
Royal Guards 1: Halt!
Royal Guards 2: Who goes there?
Fluttershy: (gulp) No one. Never mind. I'll go home.
Twilight Sparkle: It's all right, sirs. She's on the list.
Fluttershy: Thanks, Twilight.
Twilight Sparkle: I'm so glad you could make it, Fluttershy. It wouldn't be the same without you.
Mr. Cake: How's everypony doing? Good? Good.
Mrs. Cake: Anything else we can get for you, dearies...? Ooh, I-I mean, esteemed guests.
Princess Celestia: Everything is fine, Mr. and Mrs. Cake.
Fluttershy: Sorry I'm late. I had to finish taking care of a patient first.
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, you and your Tender Loving Care of little animals. I just know Princess Celestia is gonna love that about you. I mean, I hope she will... I mean, of course she will!
Fluttershy: Wow, Twilight. I thought I was the only one who got nervous at social gatherings.
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, it's not that. I just want the Princess to approve of my friends.
Fluttershy: But she's met us all before.
Twilight Sparkle: And read about you in my letters. But this is the first time she spent any real time with you. I want everypony to make a good impression.
Fluttershy: Well, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about. Besides, it's just a casual get-together, right?
Rarity: Don't touch me! Watch the dress! Careful, you're gonna spill that on me! Oh, oh, that looks delicious. What is it? Oh, does it stain?! Keep it away from me!
Fluttershy: Or... perhaps not that casual.
Applejack: Uh... which is the salad and which is the appetizer again? And which am I supposed to eat first? Oh, never mind. I'm not hungry.
Fluttershy: It's okay, Twilight. So our friends' manners aren't perfect. I doubt the Princess will even notice.
Pinkie Pie: [Laughs and snorts] Cookies, candies and pies! Oh my! Oooh! Chocolate Fountainy goodness! [munching noises] You gonna eat that?! [Mrs. Cake gasps] Hey!
Mr. Cake: A thousand pardons, Your Majesty.
Princess Celestia: That's quite all right, thank you.
Mrs. Cake: Empty teacup at 4 o'clock!
Mr. Cake: Uh, I see it, honey bun!
Princess Celestia: Oh, um... thank you.
Mr. Cake: Not at all, Your Highness.
Princess Celestia: Thank you again.
Mrs. Cake: Oh, but of course, Your Majesty.
Princess Celestia: Gotcha!
Twilight Sparkle: Oh...
Princess Celestia: And what about you, dear? Fluttershy, is it?
Fluttershy: Me? Oh yes, Your Highness.
Princess Celestia: I understand from Twilight Sparkles letters that you enjoy tending to the needs of woodland creatures.
Fluttershy: Yes, I love to take care of animals.
Princess Celestia: As do I. As Princess, I care deeply about all creatures, great and small. [Philomena coughing] Nothing means more to me than the well-being of all my subjects.
Princess Celestia: Ah, Philomena, my pet. You're awake. Do say hello to our gracious hosts.
Fluttershy: Oh... my.
Princess Celestia: She is quite a sight, isn't she?
Fluttershy: I... I... I've never seen anything like it.
Royal Guards: (clears throat)(whisper)
Princess Celestia: Really? Well, if I must... I'm sorry, everypony. I'm afraid I have to cut the party short. The mayor has requested an audience with me. Royal duty calls. Thank you for a wonderful time. It's been a joy getting to know you all better.
Applejack: Now I can eat someth'n! I'm starved!
Pinkie Pie: [Cheering] Rarity: Stay right where you are. All I want is a clear path to the exit. NOBODY MOVE and my dress won't get hurt! Stay back! Back, I say!
Twilight Sparkle: (sigh) Well, Spike, I don't know for sure how things went with the Princess, but at least no big disasters happened.
Fluttershy: Oh, you poor little thing. How did you ever get in such bad condition? Don't you worry, Philomena. I'll nurse you back to health. As a favor to the Princess, who's obviously just far too busy to care for you properly. [Philomena coughs] I'm sure the Princess will appreciate the help. [Philomena groaning]
Fluttershy: Oh my. We'd better get you to bed right away.
Fluttershy: There. *Gasp* [Philomena teeth chattering/Fluttershy gasp]
Fluttershy: This is far worse than I thought. What you need is some medicine. Stat! [Philomena cough]
Fluttershy: Here you go, Philomena. This will fix you right up.
Fluttershy: Doctor Fluttershy expected that. [Jackhammer sound]
Fluttershy: Always works.
Fluttershy: Uh... Almost always. [Philomena coughs]
Fluttershy: There's nothing like home-made soup to cure what ails you.
Fluttershy: Come on now. You'd not gonna get better if you don't cooperate.
Fluttershy: Mmm... See? It's delicious. Good and good for you. Here comes the choo-choo train. Chugga-chugga, chugga-chugga, whoo-whoo!
Fluttershy: Oh dear.
Fluttershy: Don't worry, Philomena. I know what'll make you feel better. Wait right here. I have just the thing. [Philomena coughs]
Fluttershy: Look, Philomena. I brought a fellow feathered friend by to cheer you up. Hummingway here was sick once too, but he let me help him and got better in no time. Didn't you, boy? Say hello to your new friend Philomena.
Fluttershy: Aw, look. I think he likes you.
Fluttershy: [Fluttershy and bird sing] Your turn now, Philomena. Go ahead. You can do it. [Fluttershy sings again]
Fluttershy: Um... good try?
Fluttershy: I know what'll clear up that tickle in your throat. A humidifier. (deep breath) Refreshing. How's that feeling now for you, Philomena? Better? [Philomena coughs]
Fluttershy: Oh... That's okay. I know lots of other ways to take care of you. Don't worry. You're gonna get better. How about...
Fluttershy: Aromatherapy? [Philomena squeeze/boing sound effect]
Fluttershy: Warm bath? [Boing sound effect]
Fluttershy: Ointment? [Boing sound effect]
Fluttershy: Scalpel. Surgical tape. Feathers. [Boing sound effect/Philomena cough]
Fluttershy: Oh, Philomena. I thought it would be easy to nurse you back to health. I've tried everything I know. And look at you. You're worse than ever.
Twilight Sparkle: Hi, Fluttershy! I just wanted to drop by and say thank you so very much for making such a good impression on the Princess today... (gasp) What is Celestia's pet doing here?!
Fluttershy: I couldn't leave the poor thing there. She needed my help.
Twilight Sparkle: Oh no. NonononononoNO! This is bad.
Fluttershy: How could I just walk away and not do anything?
Twilight Sparkle: But... but... she doesn't belong to you!
Fluttershy: I had to do something.
Twilight Sparkle: Without telling anypony?! Without asking permission?!
Twilight Sparkle: I know you had good intentions, but you have got to return Princess's pet!
Philomena: (deep breath)
Fluttershy: (sigh) You're right. Okay, let's...
Twilight Sparkle: If we hurry, we can put her back before anypony even realizes she's missing. (gasp)
Royal Guards 1: We were told we could find Twilight Sparkle here.
Royal Guards 2: We regret to inform you, miss, that the royal pet has gone missing.
Twilight Sparkle: Really? You don't say!
Twilight Sparkle: (cough)
Twilight Sparkle: (cough)
Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy: (excessive coughing)
Twilight Sparkle: It's that dry night air.
Fluttershy: But it's daytime.
Twilight Sparkle: Well... day air's even drier. You Royal Guards better be on your way if you're gonna find the Princess's missing pet. Philomena, was it? Thank you ever so much for keeping me in the loop. BYE! Phew... What are you doing?!
Fluttershy: Going to return Philomena, remember?
Twilight Sparkle: We can't now!
Fluttershy: Why not?
Twilight Sparkle: You have no idea what the Princess is gonna do if she finds you're the one who took her pet, do you?!
Fluttershy: Do you?
Twilight Sparkle: Well... no. But it can't be anything good. She might banish you from Equestria. Or throw you in a dungeon. Or banish you and then throw you in a dungeon in the place that she banishes you to.
Fluttershy: You really think the Princess would do that?
Twilight Sparkle: Okay. Granted that probably won't happen, but do you wanna take any chances?
Fluttershy: All that really matters to me is that poor little Philomena here gets well.
Twilight Sparkle: That's very noble of you. I'll write to you when you're banished. Unless I'm banished too somewhere there's no post office. Then you'll have to write to me. Deal?
Fluttershy: Please, Twilight. You just have to help me get Philomena healthy and then we can return her to the Princess. And everything will be fine.
Twilight Sparkle: Did you give her any kind of medicine?
Fluttershy: I tried to, but she wouldn't take it.
Twilight Sparkle: Then you have to MAKE her take it. You can't be such a pushover,Fluttershy. You need to show this patient who's the boss. Make her straighten up and fly right!
Fluttershy: She can't fly.
Twilight Sparkle: No excuses!
Twilight Sparkle: Done. Okay, what else?
Fluttershy: Uh... well, she keeps pulling her feathers off. The ones that haven't fallen out yet from all her coughing, I mean. [Philomena coughs]
Twilight Sparkle: There you go.
Fluttershy: I don't think she likes it.
Twilight Sparkle: Tough love, baby. You want her to get well, don't you?
Fluttershy: Of course, but...
Twilight Sparkle: NEXT!
Fluttershy: Well, she desperately needs some bed rest, but I can't get her to stay put.
Twilight Sparkle: One step ahead of you.
Fluttershy: It's for your own good, Philomena, I promise. Please, just relax and try to get some sleep.
Twilight Sparkle: What's this soup over here? Smells delicious.
Fluttershy: I made it for Philomena. But she wouldn't eat it.
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, she'll eat it, all right.
Twilight Sparkle: [Philomena squawks in fear] Hey! Where are you going?
Fluttershy: No! Philomena! Come back!
Rainbow Dash: What are you two doing? Are you having a race? Oh, can I play? 123GO!
Pinkie Pie: [Munching]
Fluttershy: Excuse me!
Pinkie Pie: Hi!
Twilight Sparkle: Beg your pardon!
Rarity: Put me down!
Applejack: What in tarnation?!
Twilight Sparkle: Sorry, but we've gotta find...
Royal Gaurds: The Princess's pet bird!
Fluttershy: Philomena! Come down from there! You'll hurt yourself!
Philomena: (Coughing/choking and falls) Fluttershy: I'll catch you! *Gasp*
[Everypony gasps and Fluttershy begins to tear up]
Princess Celestia: What is going on here? Twilight.
Twilight Sparkle: Yes, Your Majesty? There's been a terrible accident.
Fluttershy: It's all my fault.
Twilight Sparkle: No, Princess. Fluttershy didn't know any better. It was my fault.
Fluttershy: I'm the one who did it.
Twilight Sparkle: But you were only trying to help.
Fluttershy: Some help I was.
Twilight Sparkle: Will ya let me do this? She'll go easier on me.
Fluttershy: But it's my fault!
Twilight Sparkle: No, it's my fault!
Pinkie Pie: No! It's my fault! Wait. What are we talking about?
Fluttershy: Thanks for trying to protect me, Twilight, but... Princess Celestia, I'm the one who took your pet bird. I really was only trying to help the poor little thing. Then I was gonna bring it back to you, honest. So, if you wanna banish me and then throw me in a dungeon in the place that you banish me to, then that's what I deserve.
Princess Celestia: Oh, stop fooling around, Philomena. You're scaring everypony.
Fluttershy: I don't understand! What is that thing? What happened to Philomena?
Princess Celestia: This is Philomena. She's quite a sight, as I said. But nothing unusual for a phoenix. Isn't that right, Philomena?
Philomena: (Squawks) Fluttershy: A... A phoenix?
Princess Celestia: A phoenix is a majestic and magical bird. While it appears healthy and happy most of the time, every so often it must renew itself by shedding all of its feathers and bursting into flame. [Philomena squawks] (Princess Celestia says this silently) Rather melodramatic, if you ask me. (loud again) It then rises from the ashes, fresh as a daisy. All just a normal part of the life cycle of a phoenix. I'm afraid, mischievous little Philomena here took the occasion to have a little fun with you, Fluttershy. Say you're sorry, young lady.
Philomena: (Says sorry in bird-talk). Fluttershy: So... aren't you gonna banish me? Or throw me in a dungeon? Or banish me and then throw me in a dungeon in the place that you banish me to?
Princess Celestia: Of course not, my little pony. Where on Earth would you get such an idea?
Fluttershy: I guess I have some imagination.
Twilight Sparkle: Fluttershy really did do everything she could to try to take care of Philomena for you.
Princess Celestia: And I do appreciate that your heart was in the right place, child. But all you had to do was ask me and I could have told you Philomena was a phoenix and saved you all this trouble.
Fluttershy: I know. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. Next time I'll ask before taking matters into my own hooves.
Twilight Sparkle: Should I write you a letter about that lesson, Princess?
Princess Celestia: No, that's quite all right. I think I can remember.
Philomena: (Purrs) Fluttershy: It's beautiful. Thank you, Philomena. No hard feelings.
Rainbow Dash: (whispers to Philomena) Hey, you know what you should do? You should go over there and tickle them!
Royal Guards: (Laughing) Rainbow Dash: Yeah!
[ credits ]