Baby Cakes/Transcript

The Mane Six are waiting behind the large window in a hospital nursery dividing newborn foals from adoring visitors ~
Applejack: Can you believe the new baby is finally here?
Twilight Sparkle: Cup Cake and Carrot Cake must be so proud!
Rarity: I wonder if it's a filly or a colt!
Pinkie Pie: I wanna see the new baby pony! I wanna see! Which one is it?!
Carrot Cake: Meet our son, Pound Cake.
[an obviously exhausted Carrot with the beginnings of five o' clock shadow removes the blanket covering his son, a pegasus; everypony "awww"s]
Carrot Cake: And our daughter, Pumpkin Cake!
[turning to Pumpkin, he does the same, revealing her to be a unicorn; she yawns and sucks her hoof]
[everypony dons an expression of confusion]
Pinkie: Two new foals for me to play with? That's two, two, two times the fun! This is the greatest day ever! [she slips out of sight below the window and re-emerges within the nursery area wearing a party hat and holding a party whistle in her mouth] We need to celebrate your birthday, babies! 'Cause you were just born today! Woo hoo!
Nurse: Shhh! The babies are trying to sleep.
Pinkie: But I was just...
Nurse: Shhh!
Pinkie: But-
Nurse: Shhh!
Pinkie: singing in a whisper: Happy, happy birthday, to you and you today!
[the nurse returns and gives her a harsh glare before throwing her back in the waiting area]
Applejack: Now how in thunderation is one of them twins a pegasus and the other one a unicorn?
Carrot Cake: Easy! My great-great-great-great grandfather was a unicorn, and Cup Cake's great aunt's second cousin twice removed was a pegasus. Eh, That makes sense, right? [casts his eyes around in a nervous, perhaps disbelieving fashion]
Rainbow Dash: Awww yeah! Heh, just you wait; once little Pound Cake gets there his wings goin', he'll be all over the place!
Twilight: And be careful around Pumpkin Cake.
Rarity: Baby unicorns get strange magic surges that come and go!
[Pinkie Pie somehow slips back into the nursery with a cake]
Pinkie: Quick, make a wish and blow out your candles! Which is easy 'cause there are zero candles. You are zero years old, after all!
Nurse: Shhh!
[Pinkie accidentally pushes the cake into her face then pulls it away, leaving behind a beard of frosting]
[ theme ]


One month later, at Sugarcube Corner, the proud parents go about their business as the foals entertain themselves on the floor ~


Pinkie: bursts through the door and sings: Happy monthaversary to you and you today! [drops a cake between them with a "1" candle on it, and puts party hats on their heads and whistles in their mouths] I can't believe you're already a month old timesurefliesdoesn'tit Wow! Seems like only yesterday you were born! [bursts out of the cake] But now, you're a month old today! Hey!
[both foals blow their whistles and latch on to Pinkie as she carries them around a bit]
Pinkie: Are you ready for your favoritest game in the whole wide world?
[she plays peek-a-boo from behind the kitchen doors]
Pinkie: Where's Pinkie Piiieee? sticking her head through: Here I am!
Where's Pinkie Piiieee? sticking her head through: Here I am!
Where's Pinkie Piiieee? sticking her head through: Here I am!
[The foals begin laughing. Pinkie continues her antics as the parents continue their activities with expressions of slight concern.]
Cup Cake: Everything OK in there? Who needs a diaper chaaaange?!
Pinkie: Don't worry, they're fine! [picks up Pound Cake and quickly changes her opinion] Ugh! I mean-
Carrot Cake: I got it!
[Carrot Cake lays them beside each other and deftly changes their diapers, throwing the soiled ones in a nearby trashcan. The foals laugh.]
Carrot Cake: [washing his hooves] Is anypony hungry?
Pinkie: Ah, no thanks! I just had a big breakfast!
Cup Cake: I'm on it! [walks out with a tray on her tail containing two bottles of milk which she tosses in their mouths, and they begin sucking ravenously]
[Pinkie observes as they drink. When they finish they begin contorting their faces in discomfort.]
Pinkie: Oh! Oh! You're making funny faces! I have one! [begins wagging her tongue and making weird noises]
Carrot Cake: No. You see, Pinkie, the babies need to be burped. [taking them over his shoulder, he pats them gently until they do]
Pinkie: All set now? Everything good?! OK, who wants to play again?! [She runs and the excited foals give chase. When Pound Cake reaches a stack of blocks he knocks them over.]
Cup Cake: Ah, ah, ah, Pound Cake! No pounding things!
[Pumpkin puts a fallen shaker of baby poweder in her mouth]
Carrot Cake: Ah, ah, ah, ah! We don't chew on things, Pumpkin Cake!
Pinkie: Except food!
Cup Cake: Food! Great cinnamon sticks! I completely forgot!
Pinkie: No, you just fed them bottles. Remember?
Cup Cake: Not the babies' food!
Carrot Cake: The food for the enormously big catering order we have to deliver today!
Cup Cake: Oh, with the new twins, we've been so distracted!
Carrot Cake: Quick, honeybun! We need to find a babysitter to watch the foals while we take care of this.
Pinkie: I could do it! I wanna do it! Oh, the babies love playing with me! I'll do it!
[Cup and Carrot walk briskly through town with the foals, Pinkie trailing behind.]
Cup Cake: I wonder who would be available on such short notice.
Pinkie: Me! Me! Pick me!
[at Fluttershy's cottage]
Fluttershy: Oh, I would love to babysit!
But I can't today, sorry. I promised Angel we'd go on a picnic. [they wordlessly begin walking away as she turns back to the door] You understand, don't you? You're not mad at me are you? [they keep walking silently] Please don't be mad at me!
Pinkie: I'll do it! Pick me! [spings up into view while cradling Angel in her arms]
[at the library]
Twilight: I have to finish this report for the princess summarizing all my other reports to the princess.
[Spike is standing on a stool, clutching multiple notes in each hand, one foot, his tail, his mouth, on one on the spine on his head.]
Pinkie: I wanna babysit! Pick me! [this time she's cradling a book in a diaper]
[at Sweet Apple Acres]
Applejack: Babysit?! Now?! When there's a swarm of hungry caterpillars headin' this way?! I gotta get all these apples picked before they get swarmed on!
Pinkie: Ooh, ooh, I wanna do it! [cradling six apples]
[they find Rainbow sitting on a cloud]
Rainbow: I got tickets to the Wonderbolts airshow this afternoon. Gotta dash!
Pinkie: Ask me! Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me! [tosses a small cloud in a diaper from hoof to hoof until she drops it and it dissipates]
Rarity: Moi?! Babysit? Eh- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm flattered that you would think about me though.
[Pinkie eerily rises into view as the two parents look resigned.]
Carrot Cake: Eehhhh... Pinkie Pie, how would you like to babysit for us?
Pinkie: [a smile spreads across her face and she gasps] I dunno. I'll have to check my schedule...
Back at Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie stands to the side with the foals as Cup and Carrot dash about frantically to have everything ready in time ~


Carrot Cake: [sweating and jogging in place] Now Pinkie, are you sure you really understand the responsibility of watching over two babies?
Pinkie: I can be responsible. Why, responsibility is my middle name! Pinkie Responsibility Pie.
Cup Cake: But this time you need to take care of them, not just play with them. You have to be responsible.
Pinkie: Yes, I know. I will. I am! [she salutes]
[Cup runs after an oven timer. She returns with a giant cake on a cart and a very lengthy scroll.]
Cup Cake: Here you are dearie, all of your responsibilities are on this list.
Pinkie: [looking intimidated] Whoa! That's a lot of responsi- calmly: Consider it done.
Carrot Cake: [grabbing the cake] We'll frost it when we get there! Come on, sugar plum! Tick tick! [Pinkie pushes Cup to the door.]
Cup Cake: Take good care of our two precious little ginger snaps!
Pinkie: No problemo, Mr. and Mrs. Cake! Everything is under control.
[They wave goodbye and leave with their wares. Pinkie shuts the door and turns to the foals, who promptly begin crying.]
Pinkie: Uh-oh.


Pinkie: Don't cry, little friends! Look! Look! [goes behind the kitchen door] Where's Pinkie Pie? Where's Pinkie Pie?
[they continue crying]
Pinkie: Oh, no. I'm right here, see?
[They aren't relieved. Pinkie shakes her head and makes weird noises, also to no avail.]
Pinkie: Oh... Think, think, think. A-ha!
[she's turned out the lights and put them at a table with a bouquet for her stand-up routine]
Pinkie: Hey guys, watch this! [she walks out in front of them to canned applause with a spotlight trained on her, and using a broom as a microphone]
Pinkie: Hey, you're a wonderful crowd here tonight! Where y'all from?! [they sit in silence and Pumpkin attempts to put the broom handle in her mouth] Well, that's great. You know, I used to have an ant farm but I had to get rid of it because I couldn't find tractors that small! [rim shot]
Pinkie: Get it? Tractors. That. Small?[silence]
The other day I spilled spot remover on my dog, and now I can't find him! [Pinkie plays a rim shot on a nearby drum and symbol; the foals cry.]
Pinkie: Whew. Tough crowd. [instantly appearing back in the spotlight] Tell me about it... [throws the broom and kicks the stool away] Fine. I wasn't gonna pull out the show stopper, but you're a lovely audience and I think you deserve it!
[sings the Oink Oink Oink song while wearing a fake pig nose and bouncing on her tail and hopping about; Pound and Pumpkin don't stop crying until Pinkie slams into a cabinet and causes a bag of flour to fall on her, bursting and coating her with the stuff - they laugh this time]
Pinkie: There. See? Nothin' to this babysitting business! Ugh! [falls over]
[Pound and Pumpkin are sitting in high chairs. Pound pounds the tray and Pumpkin sucks a hoof.]
Pinkie: Snack time. That's easy enough. Okie-dokie! Eat up! [sets bowls of what could be porridge in front of them, but they look confused]
Like this: [picks up a bowl and mockingly sticks her face in it] Num, num! Num, num, num, num! Aaahhh!
[Pumpkin acts like she's about to put her face in the bowl, but instead knocks it off the tray and gets a mouthful of tablecloth. Pound is amused.]
Pinkie: No, Pumpkin Cake. We eat food, not tablecloths.
[Pinkie takes it from her and she begins crying. Pound knocks his bowl into the air which then lands on his head, covering him in the food, causing him to cry as well.]
Pinkie: Uh... Hey guys, look at me! [covers herself in another sack full of flour and sneezes, making the foals laugh]
Pinkie: Yeeeah. I think I can see where this is goin'.
[Pinkie draws a bath for them, but must first chase them around the bathroom to get them in it. Pumpkin tries eating a towel.]
Pinkie: Towels are not food, Pumpkin Cake.
[they begin running back and forth]
Pinkie: Drop it. Drop it! Drop it!
[Pinkie sees Pound's tail hanging out the bottom of the medicine cabinet door and opens it to find both. Eventually she tosses them both in the bath water, cauing them to cry once again.]
Pinkie: Oooh! Look guys! Bubbles!
[they stop crying when a hoofful of bubbles she blows glides past and she makes herself a bubble beard, but resume when a bubble pops on Pumpkin's horn]
Pinkie: Don't cry! Look, look! Uh... floating things! [puts a rubber duck in the bath, which makes them stop crying, but they start again after she buries them in toys, including an inflatable raft. Pounds flailing breaks off the faucet, causing Pinkie to get drenched when water comes gushing out. She grabs another sack of flour in desperation.]
Pinkie: Don't make me do it, guys! You know what happens when you mix flour and water, don't you?!
[still crying; after coating herself in flour it quickly turns to dough, but this now old trick was still enough to sooth them.]


[Pinkie is reading her long checklist when some comical waves of odor waft by her nose, prompting a gasp]
Pinkie: Smells like somepony needs me to changy-wangy their diaper-wiper right nowa-wow!
[Attempting to sneak up on them with a pair of fresh diapers, she climbs a bed and pounces. The mischievous foals are wise to her tricks and run away giggling. Pinkie finds them hiding behind a dresser and starts changing their diapers out of sight, with a cartoonish dust cloud half revealed indicating a massive struggle. When it's over, the foals are naked and Pinkie is wearing one diaper normally and the other on her head.]
Pinkie: Ugh... You've gotta be kidding me. [the doorbell jingles]
Pinkie: Thank goodness, they're home! [she opens the door to find Twilight]
Twilight: Hi! I finished up the work I had to do so I thought I'd stop by and see if you needed any help. [Pinkie pulls her in] Whoa!
Pinkie: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for coming! I can't begin to tell you what my day has been like! I mean, these babies just won't listen to reason, and don't even get me started on their taste in stand-up comedy! [rim shot]
Twilight: It's OK. Pinkie. I figured you would need some help. That's why I stopped by.
Pinkie: Excuse me?!
Twilight: Babies take a loooot of work, and some ponies are just not cut out to handle the responsibility.
Pinkie: Is that so?! [pushes Twilight out the door] Well, thanks for stopping by, Twilight. Sorry, I don't have time to visit. I'm very, very busy with my responsibilities here.
Twilight: I'm happy to help! It's no trouble- uh! [Pinkie slams the door on her face]
Pinkie: Well, of all the... uh! She thinks I can't handle things on my own! Maybe because I haven't handled things on my own. Well, I can handle things on my own!
[returning upstairs to the foals' bedroom, she finds Pound jumping on the bed and Pumpkin sucking on toys]
Pinkie: Pound Cake! This is a crib: it is only to be used for napping, sleeping; and on occasion with permission, as a pretend, old-timey western fort. It is not a trampoline, so stop your jumping right now, mister!
Pinkie: to Pumpkin: And you, young filly! We do not put anything in our mouth that we cannot safely and properly digest, so stop slobbering on that toy this instant! [she drops it with a squeak]
Pinkie: [putting Pumpkin in the crib with Pound] Now, we've all had a very exhausting afternoon, and it's time for all good little foals to take their nap! So... fall asleep! [they do so immediately]
Pinkie: [kissing both on the forehead] Sleep tight.
[turns out the lights and walks out]
Pinkie: Now, that's what I call handling things. [when she turns back to close the door, the crib is empty]


Pinkie: Oooh, no, no, no, no! Not good! Not good! Not good! Pound? Pumpkin? [starts searching the room frantically] Where are you? Come out, come out, wherever you are!
[hears a squeak from the closet and opens it to find Pumpkin chewing a rubber duck]
Pinkie: Whoa! [puts her back in the crib] You be a good little girl now, Pumpkin-Wumpkin, and stay in your crib for your pal Pinkie-winkie! Heh...
[she walks away with an unsettled expression, leaving Pumpkin with her toy; now she's looking for Pound after a couple double-takes on the crib]
Pinkie: Pound Cake? Here, Pound Cake!
[she steps out in the hall where foal shaped shadows flitter about and eerie horror movie-like sound effects and echoing baby laughs give the place a haunted feeling]
Pinkie: [back in the bedroom and looking up, she discovers him walking across the ceiling] You can fly?!
Pinkie: [jumping repeatedly to reach him] Get down here... this instant... young... colt! [collapses momentarily] I'm responsible for you!
[She climbs the ceiling to get him using suction cup shoes. Upon reaching the floor, Pumpkin uses magic to levitate several toys over to the crib. Of course, she begins sucking on one: a butterfly.]
Pumpkin Cake: Nom, nom, nom.
Pinkie: No, no, no, Pumpkin! [she takes the butterfly and Pumpkin begins sucking a monkey]
Pumpkin Cake: Nom, nom.
Pinkie: No, no. [takes it, and Pumpkin switches to the tortoise]
Pumpkin Cake: Nom.
Pinkie: No! [takes it] I am the responsible one, and I said no. [puts them all in a chest and chains it shut]
Pinkie: [Pound flutters by] That goes for you too, Pound Cake! [jumps and catches him] Gotcha! I think? Whoa!!! [he begins flying all over the house with her in tow, banging her into everything along the way, lincluding a row of delicacies spread out on a long table]
Pinkie: [licking her face clean] Mmm razzleberry! [they dart in and out of the kitchen door] I'm... not... letting... go! I'm... re...spon...si...ble!
[He drags her back upstairs, where Pumpkin uses her magic to fly, freeing herself of the crib.]
Pinkie: Oh... Not you too?! [pins them under a big basket and tapes it to the floor] There! Now who's the responsible one?!
[Pumpkin uses her magic to make a portal through which she can escape, and Pound simply flies up until the basket breaks free. Pumpkin then uses her magic to break the padlock on the chain binding the toy chest. Pinkie can't help but cry now.]
[Pumpkin brings over a sack of flour and the foals cover themselves with it to cheer Pinkie.]
Pinkie: You know, you're right! That is funny.
[Now sleeping in their crib, the foals make cooing noises and gently snore. Pinkie begins cleaning the house as she dictates a letter to the princess.]
Pinkie:
Dear Princess Celestia,
I've always had fun playing with little kids, and I thought babysitting meant just more playtime, right? Wrooong! Being a caregiver is way more responsibility than just being a playmate. And today I learned that sometimes our desire for responsibility can outrun our actual ability to handle it.


[the doorbell jingles]
Carrot Cake: Pinkie Pie! We're back!
Cup Cake: [nervously] How did everything go?
[both gasp upon seeing the place in perfect order]
Carrot Cake: Are we in the right place?!
Pinkie: [from the stairs] Shhh!
Cup Cake: [seeing the babies soundly asleep] Pinkie... This is just... just...
Carrot Cake: Amazing, is what it is! We had no idea how responsible you really are! Would you be interested in becoming our go-to babysitter on a permanent basis?
Pinkie: Ah- let me check my schedule! [looks at a spiral pad] I should be available a week from... never! [looking back at the sleeping foals]
Pound Cake: Pinkie!
Pumpkin Cake: Piiieee...
Pinkie: [with watery eyes] I have some free time next Tuesday.


[ credits ]

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