May the Best Pet Win!/Transcript

The episode opens with Rainbow soaring through the sky ~
Rainbow Dash: Ha ha!
Woohoo! Yeah!
[laughs]
Woah! [makes a loop]
Owlowiscious: hoot
Rainbow: Who? Oh. It's you, Owlowiscious. C'mon, try and keep up!
[they speed through the air, making race car-like sounds as they go by]
Winona's head on Owlowiscious' body: woof
Rainbow: Winona? I mean... Winona's head?! Um... is this weird, or is it just me?
[Winona's head becomes Angel's, then Owlowiscious' body becomes Gummy's, except the wings remain]
Angel?! Gummy?! OK, this is officially beyond weird now and moved right on down to freaky town.
Opalescence emerges from Angel's mouth, hisses, and takes a swipe at Rainbow]
Rainbow: Yaaaa! [begins falling]
[Rainbow awakens from her nap in a tree to find herself surrounded by everypony's pets. It was all a dream.]
Opalescence: [hissing aggressively]
Winona: woof!'
Owlowiscious: hoot
Rainbow: Phew.
[ theme ]
Applejack: Alright, let's get this thing started!
Everypony but Rainbow: [frolicking with their pets]
Applejack: Let's get this thing started!
Pinkie Pie: [laughs as Gummy starts chomping on her]
Rarity: Sincerest apologies Rainbow, if our pets were bothering you.
Opalescence: meow
Rarity: Say you're sorry, Opal!
Opalescence: hiss
Rarity: She's sorry.
Rainbow: What are you all doing out here?
Applejack: Why, we always round up our critters for a regular ol' pony-pet playdate in this park.
Rainbow: Uh, you do?
Applejack: Same time every week.
Fluttershy: I thought you knew. You didn't know? She didn't know?!
Twilight Sparkle: Well, we had initially planned on inviting Rainbow, of course. Except...
Pinkie: We were totally gonna invite you, Rainbow. Then Twilight remembered that you don't even have a pet, and Rarity remembered that you really like to take naps in the afternoon, so Applejack figured you wouldn't be missing out on anything anyway; and Fluttershy and I nodded our heads in agreement like this.
[starts nodding her head while manually moving Fluttershy's in a likewise motion]
Fluttershy: Oh, please don't be mad at us.
Rainbow: Oh, I'm not mad. You all are right. Not much point of a pony-pet playdate for me if I'm a pony without a pet, right?
Applejack: Eeexactly. So if'n you'll excuse us.
Everypony except Rainbow: [resume frolicking]
Rainbow: Hey! Now wait a minute! Just because I don't have a pet now doesn't mean I never want a pet!
Fluttershy: Ohh! Oh, really! You really want a pet?! Really?! 'Cause I've got so many wonderful choices at my house. Oh, and I know you'll just love them. And they'll love you. Oh! And you'll be best friends forever and ever! Ah!
[they sing May The Best Pet Win at Fluttershy's place]
Rainbow: [blows a whistle suspended from her neck]
Everypony except Rainbow: cheers
Rainbow: [blows whistle again in the direction of the other ponies] Shhh!
[they abruptly silence themselves]
Rainbow: So, you all think you've got what it takes to be my pet, do ya?! Well, we'll just see about that! If any of you don't think you can handle it, bow out now before you humiliate yourself in front of your peers. This competition isn't for the weak. You'd better be prepared to step up your game!
[at the butterfly] You call that flapping?! [the butterfly beats his wings faster]
That's better! There's only room on Team Dash for one of you, and my future pet needs to be able to take it to the extreme! Any questions?
Applejack: [whispering to Twilight] I got one: Does she understand what a pet really needs?
Twilight: Yeah, like care and attention, love and affection- ugh! [Winonda licks Twilight's face]
And breath mints!
Fluttershy: Now, you just pay attention, and try your best, and-
Rainbow: Seriously, Fluttershy! The turtle? What did you bring that thing here for?
Fluttershy: [buffing his shell with a a cloth she's licked] Technically he's a tortoise, and he's always dreamed of being somepony's pet. He just wants a chance to compete, he won't get in the way. You won't even know he's here.
[the tortoise blinks slowly and audibly]
Rainbow: No.
Fluttershy: Oh, just let him try...
Rainbow: There's no way he can possibly keep up. Look at him! [rolls him over with a nudge of her hoof]
Fluttershy: It won't hurt to let him try.
Rainbow: But-
Fluttershy: Just let him try.
Rainbow: Fine! But don't say I didn't warn you! This isn't a game, you know!
Alright, now these games will determine which one of you has the most important qualities I'm looking for in a pet: speed, agility, guts, style, coolness, awesomeness, and radicalness.
Twilight: Aren't those all the same thing?
Rainbow: You would think that, Twilight, and that's why you would never qualify to be my pet.
[pats Twilight on the head]
They're now at a track ~
Rainbow: Speed! On your marks...
[duck quacks as he steps up to the starting line]
Rainbow: Get set... [blows whistle]
[every creature takes off suddenly with the exception of the tortoise]
Rainbow: [bat flies by] Sorta speedy...
[butterfly goes by]
Not speedy... [duck passes by]
Pretty speedy...
[owl approaches...] Could be more speedy... [and the owl get his feathers extracted as a falcon soars past]
Falcon: cries
Rainbow: Yeah! That's speed!
Everypony else: cheers
Rainbow: [at the tortoise, who is just crossing the start line] That's just sad.
At an obstacle course ~
Rainbow: Agility!
[the butterfly passes through a few obstacles]
Sorta agile...
[the flamingo slips from a board]
Not agile...
[the toucan goes through a tube]
Pretty agile...
[the bat flies through a pair of posts]
Could be more agile...
[the tortoise attempts to jump but falls forward before leaving the ground]
Wanna know the opposite of agility? That.
[the hummingbird nimbly darts around every obstacle he comes across]
Everypony except Rainbow: cheering
Rainbow: Yeah, baby, now that's what I call agility! [waits for a high-hoof] Don't leave me hangin'! [the hummingbird hits her hoof with a wing and falls a bit] I'm gonna have to shave a point off your score for that.
In a field with an small, ornate travel cage for a pet ~
Rainbow: OK! Which of you has the guts to try and get Opal's favorite toy away from her?
[the door opens to reveal an angry Opalescence with a ragged mouse toy before her]
[the butterfly uses the vibrant display of his wings to disorient Opal long enough for him to snatch the toy and bring it to Rainbow]
Rainbow: Now that takes guts!
Opalescence: [cries angrily as the cage almost falls on her after the tortoise pushes it up with his head]
Rainbow: Style! Any pet of mine's gotta look good, 'cause you gotta make me look good!
[Rainbow is being photographed by Rarity in front of different backgrounds in different clothing with different pets]


Rainbow: Coolness!
[the owl hoots]
Sorta cool.
[the duck quacks]
Not cool.
[the bat shrieks]
Pretty cool.
[the toucan caws]
Could be cooler.
[the wasp's wings can be heard buzzing]
Not what I had in mind.
[the butterfly attempts to make a noise but nothing can be heard]
I can't hear you!
[the tortoise wretches]
[the eagle cries]
Now that's a cool sound!
The candidates all begin demonstrating abilities unique to their species ~


[the bat emits visible ultrasonic waves]
Rainbow: Sorta awesome.
[the toucan makes a creepy noise with his tongue]
Not awesome.
[the flamingo stands on one leg]
Could be more awesome.
[the owl rotates his head completely]:
Oh, yeah, that is awesome!
[the tortoise pulls his head back in his shell] Uh, you did that already. That's pretty much all you can do, huh?
[he pokes his face back out]
All potential pets are on a stage, demonstrating unique talents ~
[the duck tap dances, the eagle knits a sweater, the falcon attempts a card trick, and the wasp tries shadow puppetry; Rainbow is unimpressed by all]
[the bat plays the show's theme by vibrating glasses, and shrieks at the end, causing the glasses to disintegrate]
Rainbow: Whoa! That was truly awesome! But, I'm afraid this is the radicalness competition, so I'm gonna have to take some points off.
[the tortoise attempts a deadly obstacle course but falls off the first platform]
Rainbow: [sigh] Listen, turtle-
Fluttershy: Tortoise.
Rainbow: Whatever! You've had your fun, but I think you and I both know who made the cut and who didn't.
[slow blink followed by a soft croak]
Rainbow: You didn't.
Everypony except Rainbow: cheering
Rainbow: I mean, "A" for effort and everything, you gave it your best shot. Maybe I've got a gold star sticker around here somewhere you can have, but seriously, go home. You're starting to creep me out. [they stare at each other awkwardly for a moment]
Soooo, aaanyway, [turning to the other animals] you're all outstanding competitors, but there can only be one of you who's number one. So the final, tie-breaking contest is going to beeee... pause for dramatic effect - a race against me! Through Ghastly Gorge!
Dun dun dun! [view pans out over the gorge with each "dun"]
[eagle call]
Rainbow: Gesundheit.
[Ride of the Valkyries plays]
Rainbow: Actually, Ghastly Gorge isn't scary. It's fun. I've flown through it a million times myself, so obviously I'll be at the front of the pack. But whichever of you make it across the finish line with me will have proven you can keep up with me, and will have earned the honor and glory, of getting to be my pet! Ready? Set go!
Rainbow: [leading the others] Try to keep up!
[flies through a windy tunnel]
Rainbow: Can't catch me, ha ha!
[the other follow her through with varying amounts of difficulty, the bat being forced back through the entrance; the tortoise is lagging behind on the ground]
Rainbow: [whistles along with the tune and stops at an entaglement of thorn-covered vines]
Rainbow: C'mon, slowpokes! You want to win, don't'chya?
Rainbow: Oh! I forgot to tell you, watch out for the Quarray Eels! They don't like it when you get too close to their nests! Like this. [darts past their nests]
Rainbow: Easy, peasy; one, two, threesy! Right guys?!
[slams into the side of a cliff, causing a rockslide]
Rainbow: Avalanche!
[Rainbow begins dodging boulders as the contestants fly ahead, and is taken down by a large rock]
Rainbow: C'mon! [attempts to pull her trapped wing free]
No! Wait! Come back! Don't leave me! I'm the one who's supposed to win! I don't want to end up stuck here... forever! Oh, no. No, No, No. Th- this can't be happening. Forever is WAY too long to be trapped in Ghastly Gorge. I mean, it's like, forever! Somepony; anypony! Help meeee!
Sometime later, Rainbow is sitting hopeless on the ground, waiting for somepony to discover her. She begins to cry but then hears footsteps nearby ~
Rainbow: Wa-hoo! My prayers have been answered! Oh, thank you, thank you, thank... you?! Oh, no! Now I'm not only going to be stuck here forever, I'm going to be stuck here with the most ANNOYING turtle in the world!
[the tortoise begins burying his head beneath the boulder]
I'm doomed. Doomed, I tell you!
[the tortoise hoists the boulder with his head]
Everypony except Rainbow: [cheering for each animal as it crosses the line, with fading enthusiasm as they realize Rainbow still hasn't arrived]
Twilight: Hm. Something's not right here.
[she holds a pair of binoculars to her eyes with her magic when Fluttershy interposes herself to get a view of the area]
Fluttershy: Where's Rainbow Dash?
[then Applejack butts in]
Applejack: Great galloping galoshes! There's been an avalanche in there!
Spike: Rainbow...
Everypony: [nervous babbling]
Pinkie: [jumps in front of everypony] Wait, look!
Fluttershy: It's the turtle!
Everypony else: Tortoise!
Fluttershy: Whatever.
Twilight: And he's... carrying something on his back.
Pinkie: It's Rainbow Dash! It's her! It's Rainbow!
Everypony but Rainbow: [cheering at Rainbow's return, but slowing when they realize the tortoise will take ages to reach the finish line]
Fluttershy: Maybe we'd better go meet him half way.
[Twilight moves the finish line to within a few paces of the tortoise]
Everypony except Rainbow: [cheering once more]
Spike: Hah! Way to go, little guy!
Twilight: Thank goodness you're not hurt, Rainbow!
Rainbow: Just my pride.
Rarity: I certainly hope all of this dreadful dust was worth it! [sneezes herself into the air]
Applejack: It sure was if'n it means Rainbow gets to have her own little critter just like the rest of us from now on.
Rainbow: Uh., thanks. What you did- I owe you one.
Fluttershy: Rainbow, your new pet is over here waiting for you.
Everypony except Rainbow: [marvelling at the falcon's splendor as he soars around to land on Rainbow's back]
Rainbow: Oh, right. Yeah... that.
Spike: W- What's the matter?
Pinkie: Ya got your perfect pet, right?
Fluttershy: The best of the best like you wanted, remember? It can fly and it's not a squirrel! Should we sing about it again?!
Applejack: A falcon sure looks good on ya, Rainbow.
[Rarity snaps a picture]
[the tortoise squeals and retreats within his shell]
Rainbow: Easy, fella. Nothing to be afraid of.
The falcon sure does looks cool; he's absolutely everything I wanted in a pet... [forlorn sigh]
Fluttershy: Yay?
Rainbow: But I said whoever crosses the finish line with me gets to be my pet.
Pinkie: You did! You did say that! She did say that! That was the rule!
Rainbow: And the only racer who crossed the finish line with me was the one who stopped to save me when I needed help. The tortoise! [she gleefully lifts him with one hoof and presses her nose to his, a wide smile spreading across her face]
[the falcon cries alarmedly]
Twilight: But, what about the-
[the faclon uses his wing to shake the toroises paw before humbly waking his leave]
Applejack: Would'jyou look at that? He even smiles slow.
Everypony: laughing
Rainbow: Spike, take a letter.
Dear Princess Celestia, I used to think that the most important traits to look for in a pet, or any best friend, were all physical competitive abilities. But now I can see how short-sighted and shallow that was.
Opalescence: [growls as she's pulling at the mouse toy]
Rainbow: Today I learned what the most important quality really is: a certain kind of spirit; a stick-to-it-iveness - a never give up, can-do attitude that's the mark of a real winner. And this tortoise has it.
Twilight: Tenacity!
Rainbow: Gesundheit. You just can't stop that little guy. He's like a... like a... tank!
Fluttershy: But, Rainbow! You didn't want a pet that couldn't fly because it would keep you grounded and hold you back, remember?
[Tank appears disheartened]
Rainbow: Hmmm...
Back at the play area in which the ponies and their pets play ~
Everypony except Rainbow: [charging over the hill with their pets]
Applejack: Alright, come on over here, Winona!
Rainbow: C'mon, Tank! We're gonna be late for our very first pony-pet playdate!
[Tank comes flying after her with a magically powered helicopter strapped to his shell]
[Credits]

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Episode Discussion - May The Best Pet Win! (Spoilers) - last post by @ Nov 24, 2011
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