Read It and Weep/Transcript

Rainbow Dash soars through the the sky, spinning and flipping as Pinkie and Rarity look on. Twilight approaches ~


Twilight Sparkle: Hey Rarity. Hey Pinkie Pie. What are you looking at?
Pinkie Pie: Rainbow Dash! Isn't she the most daring devil? I mean, the most devilish darer? I mean-
Rarity: She's dazzling!
Pinkie: Ooh, yeah, that's a good word! She's dazzling!
Twilight: Oh no, oh no, oh no!
Pinkie: Ayeayeayeayeaye!
[Rainbow crashes out of sight]
Pinkie, Rarity, Twilight: Oohhh...
Pinkie: So much for dazzling...
[ theme ]
Applejack: Is she gonna be okay?
Fluttershy: Oh, I'm so worried!
Pinkie: Is her face gonna stay that way?
Rainbow Dash: Awwww.
Twilight: How is she, doctor?
Doctor: She's going to be fine. Luckily she has friends like you who got her over here in a jiffy.
Rainbow: Huh, how long do I need to lie here? I've got things I need to do!
Doctor: Well, that all depends on your recovery; but I'd say a few days minimum.
Rainbow: You guys have gotta get me out of here! I'm gonna climb the walls!
Pinkie: Ooh, just like a spider! Did the crash somehow give her super duper spider powers?
Doctor: No... nor did it give her amazing 'healing' powers. She needs to stay in bed for a few days.
Rainbow: Few days? Might as well be a few months. Or few years!
Fluttershy: It's not so bad Rainbow Dash.
Applejack: I bet the chow in here is hoof-lickin' good.
Rarity: And the hospital gowns, they... match the curtains...
Pinkie: And look, you have a roommate! [drawing back the privacy curtain for the next bed reveals a pony wearing a full-body cast]
[seeing a cart full of books being pushed down the hall by a nurse, Twilight grabs one to present to Rainbow]
Rainbow: What's this? "Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone."
Twilight: This is the first story in the series. I own all of them.
Rainbow: No thanks! I sooo don't read. I'm a world-class athlete. Reading's for eggheads like you, Twilight, no offense; but I am not reading. It's undeniably, unquestionably, uncool.
Applejack: Is she serious? Who doesn't like to read a bang-up tale from time to time?
Rarity: Why, a good book is almost as magnificent as silk pajamas on a Sunday morning!
Twilight: Reading is for everypony, Rainbow Dash!
Pinkie: Yeah! I love reading, and my head isn't even close to the shape of an egg! It's more the shape of an apple, or maybe an orange, but a big orange. More like a grapefruit really.
Nurse: All right, my little ponies. Rainbow Dash needs her rest. You'll have to come back tomorrow.
Twilight: I think you'd like Daring. She's a lot like you: adventurous, fierce, and undeniably, unquestionably, unstoppable.


[A bored Rainbow Dash is minding the clock and attempting to pass the time any way she can. All else failing, she tries conversing with her roomate who is covered with bandages and is unable to speak.]
Rainbow: - to get to the other side! Get it?! Nevermind.
[several minutes later that feel like an eternity to Rainbow, she finally turns her attention to the book left on her bedside table]
Rainbow: "As Daring Do trekked through the tropical jungle, the wet heat sapped her energy and slowed her every step. If only she could escape this oppressive atmosphere and fly up into the cool, blue sky. But her crash landing in the jungle had injured her wing, and she was grounded for a few days. Few days - it might as well be a few months, or a few years."
I'm right there with you, sister.
"The mosquitoes buzzed loudly; the macaws cried from the high trees. Yet all of these distracting noises were not enough to cover the sound of the predators following her every step.
[Daring gets chased around a bit by some feral animals and a kitten until she reaches a cliff. Grabbing a nearby vine, she swings across.]
Rainbow: Safely landing on the other side, Daring finally allowed herself a moment to breathe. She turned around to find herself face to face with the long lost temple that she had sought tirelessly for over sixty days and nights!
Rainbow: I hate to admit it to myself, and would really hate to admit it to my friends, but... I love this story! I- I- I love reading! I'm an egghead...
Rainbow: The smell of decay and danger hit Daring Do as she peered into the dimly-lit entrance of the ancient temple.
[she deftly dodges numerous traps as she runs through the a long corridor to reach a chamber containing her quarry]
Fluttershy & Twilight: Hi, Rainbow Dash! [Rainbow quickly stashes the book beneath her blanket.]
Rainbow: Uh... hey, guys...
Fluttershy: We thought we'd come and cheer you up!
Twilight: We brought your favorite board game! [it's much like Battleship, but with meteorological pieces rather than ships]
Fluttershy: We know how much you like to win!
Twilight: You go first, Rainbow Dash!
Rainbow: No, no, you first.
Twilight: Alright, uh... cloud three!
Rainbow: Aw, shucks! You... rained on my cumulus, heh. Go again!
Fluttershy: Um... sky five?
Rainbow: Whoa! You found my seagull!
Twilight: Uh... cloud two?
Rainbow: You zapped my weather pony! You stung my bumblebee. Oh, my thunderbolt. Aw, and that's my last cloud. You found it! Guess you guys win; I lose.
Fluttershy: But Rainbow Dash... you- you didn't even get a turn.
Rainbow: You win some; you lose some.
Twilight: But you don't lose some! I don't think you've ever lost a game of-
Rainbow: Thanks for coming!
Twilight: But yesterday you were desperate for things to do!
Rainbow: Do? Who said anything about Daring Do? I told you I'm not interested in reading! It's nap time for me!
[faux snoring]
Fluttershy: Glad we could... cheer you up?
[big yawn]
Twilight: Alright then. [exeunt friends]


Rainbow: "Daring Do stood at the entrance to the central temple chamber. At last, she was face-to-face with the legendary sapphire statue!"
[after observing the statue, she scans the rooms for traps, eventually noticing the tiled floor with animal reliefs carved into each; kicking a small stone onto a tile causes it to trigger an arrow trap, revealing the nefarious nature of the innocuous looking treasure room]
Daring Do: Hmmm... There must be a pattern here. What do all these animals have in common? Ah-ha! These animals are all predators! Except... rats!
[Daring gingerly places a hoof on the nearest rat tile, sighing in relief when nothing happens. She begins hopping from one tile to another until she reaches the idol sitting on an illuminated pedestal. After a bit of sweating and careful examination of the prize, she nonchalantly snatches it away from its perch, placing it in her hat. Without the weight of the jeweled figure securing a trapped pressure plate, the room begins to collapse around Daring, revealing a lava pit surrounding the dais upon which she now finds herself stranded. She climbs to the top of a partially fallen pillar. With nowhere else to turn, she makes a a desperate leap for a hole in the roof - the only exit. As she emerges from the hole, the lava erupts from the fissure like a volcano, propelling her skyward and crashing down somewhere nearby, the idol bouncing free and landing before her prostrate form. Ahuizotl now looms over her.]


Ahuizotl in Pinkie's Voice: Helloooo, Rainbow Dash!
[Coming back to reality with a start, she observes her friends as they stride into the room. She hides the book beneath her blanket.]
Rarity: How's our patient doing today?
Applejack: We need to get some fresh air in here. You're lookin' sweatier than a pig wrangler on a summer's day.
Rainbow: Uh... Well... guys... thanks for visiting, but-
Nurse: OK now, dinner time for Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow: Oh! Just in time. I am sooo hungry.
Rarity: Oh, well don't mind us Rainbow Dash.
Applejack: Yeah, just go ahead and eat up.
[Standing on either side of the bed, they closely watch Rainbow and her plate of alfalfa and gelatin. Feeling nervous and increasingly agitated, she begins eating as sloppily as she can, disgusting her visitors.]
Rarity: On second thought-
Pinkie: Uh, we'll see you tomorrow, Rainbow Dash...
[Rainbow spits out the what remains in her mouth after the other three evacuate.]
Rainbow: "You thought you could evade me and capture the relic for yourself, but you were sadly mistaken, Miss Do!"
Ahuizotl: And now, you shall meet your doom! [he holds up a cat figurine and blows through its ear, causing a whistle that summons the animals that attacked her earlier]
Ahuizotl: laughing maniacally
Rainbow: Whoa! Who is this dude?!


[Daring now finds herself strapped to an alter somewhere in the jungle.]
Daring: You won't get away with this, Ahuizotl!
Ahuizotl: But I already have. [he pulls a lever before departing]
Daring: Ugh! Not again!
[the room begins to flood with sand, the walls eject spikes and begin closing; and snakes and spiders begin crawling from the crevices]
Daring: Quicksand!
Doctor: Rainbow Dash?
[coming back to reality, Rainbow is underneath her blanket reading the book by the light of a firefly-filled lantern]
Doctor:Rainbow Dash? Rainbow Da-aaaash!
Rainbow: Oh, good eve...ning-
Doctor: Morning.
Rainbow: -morning. D-Doc. [salutes]
Doctor: Have you been up all night?
Rainbow: Of course not.
Doctor: Well, I'll be quick. Congratulations, Rainbow Dash. We're checking you out of the hospital.
Rainbow: What? Later today?
Doctor: No. Right now!
Rainbow: Right now?! "Right now" right now?!
Doctor: "Right now," right now.
[A pair of orderlies rush in, disrobe her, and haul her out in a wheelchair.]
Rainbow: But I don't feel better!
Doctor: Now take it easy, Rainbow Dash. Remember to stay off that wing for a week.
[A distraught Rainbow Dash looks longingly and worriedly back at the unfinished book on her bed. She is abruptly desposited outside the front door in the chair.]
Rainbow: How will I ever find out what happens to Daring Do?!


Rainbow: Is Ahuizotl going to get away with the statuette? What's gonna happen to Daring?! Ah-ha! Twilight has a copy of the book! But I can't ask her after I called her an egghead and all! Ugh! this is making me sick all over again! [she appears to have an epiphany]


[dramatically re-entering the hospital]
Rainbow: Oh, the pain! The pain!
Doctor: Rainbow Dash! What are you doing here? Anything wrong?
Rainbow: Well, uh... my wing! It's still hurtin', Doc. [he lifts her left wing to look at it] Oh! Ouch! Right there!
Doctor: I was touching your good wing.
Rainbow: Uh, right... Well, I think that one's hurtin' now too!
Doctor: I think I know what the trouble is. A severe case of lazy-itis.
Rainbow: You got me all wrong, Doc! I'm not being lazy!
Doctor: [pushing her out the door with his head] You're fine, Rainbow Dash. Give it some time and you'll be right back in the swing of things.
Nurse: Good day, Rainbow Dash.
Second Nurse: Take care!
Rainbow: What am I gonna do?! I'll never get to sleep without knowing what happens to Daring Do! Which may not be such a bad thing...


[That night she dons a black, full-body suit and breaks into the hospital. She makes her way to her old room and finds the book beneath her old bed, which is now occupied by a new student. She begins to read.]
Daring: Feels like the harder I struggle, the tighter the ropes get! [a spider next to her head begins speaking]
Spider: Help! Burglar! Burglar!
Patient: Someone's trying to steal my slippers!
Rainbow: I'm not trying to steal your slippers, I'm trying to steal this book!
Nurse: Stop, thief!
[A chase ensues that leads Rainbow Dash and the hospital staff around town, waking some of the residents. A dog can be heard barking with the hospital staff.]
Pinkie: [observing the chase from a window] Hey, nopony invited me!
Rarity: Hasn't anypony heard of beauty sleep?


[They finally catch up to her at Twilight's front door.]
Doctor: Rainbow Dash, what in the world is going on?! Why are you stealing slippers?
[The barking dog reveals itself to be a crazy patient that decided to tag along.]
Security guard: Hey, get back to the hospital!
Applejack: What's all the ruckus?
Pinkie: Oh, I'd say it's more of a fracas than a ruckus.
Twilight: What's going on, Rainbow Dash?
Rainbow: I'm an egghead.
Rarity: Pardon?
Rainbow: See, I was trying to get back into the hospital to finish the last chapter of-
Twilight: Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Statue!
Rainbow: You got me.
Twilight: Wow! I knew the book was good, but I didn't know it could drive a pony to petty theft!
Rainbow: "Good?" Try Awesomely amazing! That book is undeniably, unquestionably, un-put-downable! But then I had to put it down. I was sent home before I could finish it.
Twilight: Well, I'm glad that's all this is about.
Applejack: There's no reason to go around causin' a ruckus-
Pinkie: Fracas!
Applejack: -causin' a fracas just because you like to read.
Twilight: Like I said, I have every book in the series, and you can borrow them all any time you like!
Rainbow: Thanks Twilight. I'm sorry I made such a big deal about all this. I thought reading was just for smart ponies like you.
Twilight: Rainbow Dash, just because you're athletic doesn't mean you aren't smart!
Spike: Yeah, just look at me!
[Spike kisses his left bicep, drawing some incredulous looks from both ponies. He grabs a nearby brrom and begins sweeping.]
Twilight: Reading is something everypony can enjoy, if they just give it a try.
Rainbow: Yeah, I get it. I shouldn't knock something until I've tried it.
Twilight: That's a great lesson, and it would make a great letter to the princess.
Rainbow: Didja get all that?
Spike: Yeah...
Rainbow: Great! You write the letter, I've gotta finish this book!


[Daring uses her teeth and a hoof to launch her hat at a spike, causing it to bounce around several points in the room until it finally strikes the lever, deactivating the traps.]
Daring: Another day, another dungeon!


[Ahuizotl is sitting on a throne, stroking a cat in his lap.]
Ahuizotl: With Daring Do out of the way, the world will suffer mightily at my hands. I am victorious!
Daring: [swooping in from nowhere to snatch the stature from his hand] I'll take that!
Ahuizotl: What?! Noooooo!
Daring: Better luck next time, Ahuizotl!
Ahuizotl: Curse you, Daring Do!


Rainbow: "And so, with Ahuizotl defeated and the sapphire statue secured, the world was safe and sound once again, thanks to Daring Do!"
[she grabs the next book from a large stack on her nightstand]
Rainbow: "Daring Do and the Griffon's Goblet." Awesome!


[ credits ]

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Episode Discussion - Read it and Weep (Spoilers) - last post by @ Aug 24, 2012
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